Towards a More Fulfilling Marriage (Part 1)

Every marriage is unique with regards to the problem faced by both spouses in their interaction with each other.Some marriages suffer due to an acute lack of communication.Some marriages fail due to improper methods being used to solve conflict and misunderstandings. Regardless of the causes of dissent in a a marriage, steps can always be taken to remedy even the most gigantic of problems. Although many people may right now be in failing/problematic marriages, there are many ways which to put a marriage back on the right track if the husband and wife are sincere in their desire to reconcile.

Common Negative Relationships between Husband & Wife

Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. The wife feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives never show their husband that they are satisfied with anything he does or buys for them in order to trick him into doing and buying more. They make him feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family. Both these reactions are incorrect and lead to nothing but stress and anxiety.

Marriage In The Sight of Allah

It is very sad that this relationship which Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: ‘… He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . (Holy Quran 30:21)

Do not be a Tyrant or an Oppressor

Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are taught to treat our wives and family members well. The Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu alaihi wa Sallam was reported to have said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives” (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi).

Be Partners in the Decision Making Process.

Follow the principle of ‘Shura’ (Mutual Consultation) and make decisions as a family. There will be much more harmony in the family when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels that they had some part in making them. It must be borne in mind that no person should believe their ideas to be the correct all the time. Every single person should always be open to suggestions,ideas and different viewpoints.


Abuse

Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your spouse. The Prophet Sallalahu alaihi wa Sallam never mistreated his wives. In one narration the following words are used ‘How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?”

Be Careful of Your Words


Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation.Words spoken can never be taken back. Just as an arrow cannot be recalled once it has left the bow, so too can the effects of harmful words never be erased. always make an effort to approach uncomfortable situations with a calm,controlled demeanour. Never make decisions in anger,for truly in haste lies regret.


Show Affection

Show affection for your spouse. Be kind, gentle, and loving. Make a point of letting your spouse know that you appreciate the happiness he/she brings into your life.

Be Your Spouse’s Friend

Show interest in your spouse’s life. Too often, we live in the same house but know nothing about each others lives. It would be great if the husband and wife could devote some time to work together for the same cause or on the same project. Sharing a hobby or pastime is bound to increase love and affection between both spouses.


Show Appreciation

Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family. Never make your husband feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family.This too should be done with wisdom,consideration and understanding.

Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don’t take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated. Always take some time out to remind her that you appreciate all she does for you. Thank her for everything she does for you.


To be continued…

Source: Al Jumuah
Edited: Ar Rihla